Business Owner Archives - Dr Tess Crawley

When I was young and wild and free, I faced so much rejection and criticism as an actor and writer. Time and again I stared it down, drawing on some mysterious strength. Withstanding my tendency towards people-pleasing. Standing up to my own doubts, my need for approval.

How brave she was, that younger version of me.

I hope I've carried some of her fire with me into my 50s, even though I'm not the career actor I had hoped to be.

How independent she was.

Her independence allowed me to u-turn to university at the “old” age of 25. It stirred me to raise a middle finger at those who didn’t believe in me. It pushed me to pursue the less-well-trodden path.

In business, as in life generally, we need to be a bit free-thinking and creative sometimes. We need to be able to withstand criticism and those who would whisper “surely not” and “who does she think she is”. We need to learn to rise and fall and rise again. Just like actors, really.

What a marvellous, strong, courageous young woman she was.

These days I’m working towards finding balance. Between my professional life as a psychologist and business coach, and my creative life as a writer. Putting myself in harms way, as writers tend to do. Staring down rejection and criticism again. Done it before, and I will do it again.

I hope my future self will look back at 50s-me with pride and wonder.

“How brave she was”, I hope I’ll say.
Xx

p.s. Photo from rehearsals for The Dumb Waiter by Harold Pinter, which I was loosely involved with. Much love to the play’s stars and much-missed friends David and Carl, my partners in crime back in our Terminal Theatre days.

Sometimes it feels like there is an awful lot of pressure to do what everyone else is doing on social media. Whether it’s the latest dance trend, the latest audio gag reel, or some other thing, none of those things truly feels like YOU.

(Actually, I have a caveat … if doing all those things IS you, go for gold. Love your style!)

The problem is, for most of us, it’s just not. And what that often leads to is resistance to having an authentic presence online.

My business clients know that they *should* be online so clients, referrers, and future staff can get to know them, but they just shudder at the assumption it means jumping onto social media trends.

I’m here to tell you it ain’t necessarily so … in fact being just your plain old self is much more engaging!

So whether it’s telling stories about what you’re most passionate about in your work, or sharing a hobby, your garden, or your fur babies (yes please!) - it all tells us so much more about you and your personality, which is of course the personality behind your business. And that’s what the people really want - to get to know, like, and trust you - which makes it so much easier to choose you as the service that will best meet their needs.

So let yourself off the hook. And just be yourself.

At heart, all businesses run on the same fuel. Values.

Personal values feed a business's mission. Uncovering these values can help guide every decision we make, from revenue streams to fee structures, marketing to recruitment.

But what if there’s a clash between personal values and the needs of the business?

I see this when our “business hat” comes into conflict with our “caring hat”. I get it. It's hard to balance this sometimes.

Private practice owners are typically hard-working, compassionate and fair-minded. In fact, I’ve NEVER come across a business coaching client who wasn’t. But most reach a point where a vital business decision feels uncomfortable from a values perspective. Whether it’s increasing fees, letting staff go, or simply saying no.

As a business coach, I tend to ask why this decision makes you feel less like the good person you know yourself to be? I ask about your ideal solution. We dive into identifying barriers to achieving that and ways to overcome those barriers - all guided by your values.

It is possible to grow your business AND live within your values. It’s vital, in fact, if you want to survive the stress of business long-term. But that doesn’t mean it comes naturally, which is where engaging a business coach can help.

Business coaching isn’t just about you making more money (although, I’m all for that), or simply focussing on marketing (even though this is important too), it's often about the less tangible things. Like values.

Without understanding what drives us, what feels right in our bones, we risk flying blind. Grabbing random snippets of advice in FB groups, without knowing what will actually work for YOU.

"Daring leaders who live into their values are never silent about hard things" - Brene Brown

It’s true what they say about the power of self-care. After three months laid low with a broken foot, I’m finally out and about and able to get my hair cut.

It seems like such a small, indulgent thing, to get a haircut. People do it everyday. But there’s a reason why psychologists focus on self-care and personal hygiene as part of an overall emotional well-being program.

When we can’t look after ourselves in even the smallest ways (e.g., regular showers, freshly made beds), it can impact our mood.
For me, not being able to attend to my hair meant it became ratty, overgrown and lank. Coupled with the weight gain associated with my immobility, it was starting to mess with my head a little. Just a little, but the boost I got from having my hair done today was enough to remind me how important self-care is.

So I encourage you to be okay with taking the time you need to keep up your personal self-care routine.
It might feel self-indulgent, especially during times of stress, but it’s an investment in your overall well-being. And that’s always good for business!

Much love
Tess x

I’m gonna give it to you straight … Those “what ifs” won’t save your business.
You’ve identified what’s not working and even how to fix it … but now one four-letter word is holding you back from taking action.

Fear.

Fear of criticism, failure, loss of reputation, reduced referrals, fear you’ll kill your business…

Whether it’s a fee increase, changing your employment model, or a targeted marketing campaign … these are big changes, and tend to trigger the “what ifs” big time.

It’s natural to have these fears. Of course it is. But it’s not WISE to let fear call the shots. In fact, FEAR DOES NOT GET A SAY! Because, let’s face it, allowing fear to stop you making essential changes in your business is bonkers.

You know your business better than anyone. You take on all the risk. YOU get to decide what changes need to be made.

I can’t promise everyone will embrace your changes with glee. Not everyone will. I’ve certainly faced pushback from staff, colleagues, and even friends when I’ve announced major business changes in the past.
We don’t love it when our ideas aren’t met with universal agreement and applause. But sometimes we have to do what is right, not what is popular. (Where have I heard that phrase before? *wink wink*)

Remember two simple facts:
1. Your business, your rules.
2. You get to change the rules as you see fit.

You know that things can’t stay the same or you’ll burn out, go broke, or simply stagnate. Without you taking action to make the changes you know you need to make, things are guaranteed to stay to same. When you allow fear to call the shots, when you give in to the “what ifs”, you are choosing to stay with what’s NOT working.

Or put more harshly … You are essentially saying you are prepared to fail rather than risk success.
Are you? Really? Of course not! That would be crazy, right?
Change is hard, but so essential for the longevity of your business.

Don’t let fear call the shots.

Much love,
Tess x

We’re back from our summer breaks, but none of the business clients I’ve spoken with this week feel refreshed. No one feels they’ve had a proper summer break. We’re all still tired. Me included.

We’ve seen this before. In 2020, on the back of the bushfires. And again in 2021, on the back of 2020’s shock and awe.
Each of the past three summers everyone has felt their summer relaxation swallowed by worries and a national sense of helplessness.

Each year we swore we’d have a “proper” break at Easter. We could limp along until then. But then we kissed winter holiday plans goodbye and worked through. We promised we’d rest over Christmas.
We dragged ourselves, exhausted, to the finish line of 2021, knowing in the back of our minds that 2022 wouldn’t magically make it all better. But that’s what we told ourselves anyway.

But then Omicron. So we’re still worried and exhausted.
That’s two Christmases we’ve kidded ourselves that summer would fix everything.

So here’s what we’re going to do about it.
1. We are going to simplify business processes and create structured support around us #getacoach
2. We are going to work smarter, not harder (as cliched as that sounds)
3. We are going to schedule REGULAR breaks and TAKE them ... That includes blocking out public holidays (too many of you forget to do this!)
4. We are going to observe and monitor early signs of not coping and ACT on them
5. We are going to take care of our physical AND mental health
6. We are going to seek help when it’s needed, AND accept it when it’s offered
7. We are going to allow ourselves time to just think
8. We will be strategic, not reactive
9. We are going to watch out for each other

Let’s carry the wisdom we gained in 2021 into 2022 and pace ourselves.
Let’s not bullshit ourselves again.
Let’s PLAN rest, PLAN self-care, and PLAN time for working on ourselves and on our businesses. And then let’s follow through on each of those plans.

Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make these changes.
Take care of yourself and each other.

Much love,
Tess

When you feel like setting goals is putting too much pressure on yourself to “achieve”, it tells me you’re already overwhelmed by all that you have to do in your business.

You feel pressured from all sides.

You feel there are a thousand decisions (big and small) to be made.

You feel isolated within your own team, because no one else quite “gets” the pressure you’re under.

You feel like you’re always chasing your tail.

You feel hamstrung financially, trying to be wise for the future while knowing you need to meet the needs of today.

You feel guilty because you want to offer more to your team, but you just can’t.

You feel guilty because you want to offer more time to your family.

But here’s the thing. Taking time to nut out a bit of a forward plan will help you with the overwhelm. It will help you become more strategic in a number of ways.

Know the difference between what is your role and what to delegate.

Know what can wait.

Know what is strategically aligned to your goals.

Know how to recognise someone else’s distracting priority (so you can say no).

Know in advance the general structure for your days, weeks, and months.

Know you can take time out for your family.

Know your business will survive if you turn your phone off while you do strategic planning.

Know your inbox can wait.

Treat goal-setting as a navigational mission. Your big picture goal is your ultimate destination. Your medium and shorter-term goals are your navigational aids.

Take an hour with a coffee to set yourself some goals that can act as your guide, your scaffolding, your structure to help you reach you bigger picture vision.

And if goal setting seems too big a task, start with a simple ‘brain dump’ to declutter your mind. You can always come back to your notes later and sort them into something tangible.

Much love,

Tess

I was thinking this morning about my younger self, wondering what she’d make of who I am today.

What would she make of the creases around my eyes? My mummy tummy? What would she think about me as a mother? A wife? What the hell would she say about me being a psychologist and entrepreneur?

I can’t tell you what prompted these vague wonderings, only the feeling they evoked. Pride.

The twist is, what I felt wasn’t pride for who I am now and what I’ve achieved, it was a warm gentle pride towards my younger self. How brave she was. How independent.

And then a wash of gratitude to her.

I may no longer be the professional actor I once was. I miss it so much, but my life is a million miles away from that these days. But I have carried that independent, young-artist streak well into my “grown-up-ness”. And thank god for that!

That independence allowed me to u-turn to university at the “old” age of 25. It afforded me to frequently raise a middle finger at those who didn’t believe in me. It pushed me to pursue the less-well-trodden path.

Entrepreneurs need to be a bit free-thinking and creative. They need to be able to withstand criticism and those who would whisper “surely not” and “who does she think she is”. We need to be visionaries, of a sort.

Entrepreneurs need to learn to fall and rise and fall again. Just like actors, really.

When I was young and wild and free, how marvellous it felt, that strength I unconsciously drew on. The strength to withstand my tendency towards people-pleasing, to withstand my own doubts, my need for approval. The strength to take risks and to learn from mistakes. The strength to be creative.

What a marvellous, strong, courageous young woman she was!

I’m grateful to her for her strength and courage. I carry it with me still, it’s what drives me to show up and take risks and to help you on your business journey.

I may be a lot “straighter” now than she thought I’d be, but I think we’d get along famously, she and me. And I know she’d laugh if in the end I didn’t give a fuck whether she approved or not … and for that she’d be proud of me!

Don’t be afraid to tap into the many facets of who you are, or who you’ve been. They make up the fabulous mirror ball that is you!

Much love,

Tess x

As a psychologist, my interest in perinatal mental health was born out of my experience of becoming a mother. It was not an easy transition for me. I was 38 when my first was born, 41 with my second. At times I felt my very atomic structure was being stretched to breaking. Some days I thought I would shatter to a million tear-drop shaped pieces.

Was I depressed? Some days. But not really.
Was I exhausted? You bet!
Was my relationship with my husband challenged? For sure!
But my love for my babies was never in doubt.

I look at this photo and marvel. So serene. My parenting journey was anything but serene, and yet here I am, calm, at peace, and so in love with my wee babe.
Life is full of contrasts. Light and dark. Tears and joy. Confidence and fear. Becoming a parent taught me so much about what I am capable of. Patience, compassion, empathy, courage, tenacity, joy.

Challenges stretch us. They let us know we’re alive. And above all they teach us. Life is like that. If we don’t step into the challenge, if we turn away from the difficult, what’s it all for?

Business is a lot like parenting, in so many ways. It stretches us and teaches us. It pulls us in all the directions, usually at once. The emotions are sharp and real and deep. The pride is equally so.

My passion for business coaching came out of my own 20-year journey as a business owner, coupled with being the latest generation of female business owners in my family. Like my children, my business has benefited greatly from the teachings of my grandmothers and all the life lessons I've picked up along the way.

Our businesses, like our children, are our legacy. They are the shining evidence that we were here.
So be proud of who you are and what you've achieved. Be proud of the way you rise to the challenge day after day after day. Be proud of the legacy you'll leave behind.

Be proud. You've earned it.

Much love,
Tess x

5 August 2021

Acceptance Isn't the Same as Giving Up

As Victorians head back into lockdown tonight, and back to remote learning, remote working, it’s tempting to feel defeated. The strength we all need to draw on is that of acceptance for what is, rather than focusing on what can’t be.
Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up. It doesn’t mean throwing our hands in the air and yelling “fuck it” (although a good swear can help sometimes). Acceptance means drawing on our inner strength to be able to tolerate a difficult situation.

We don’t like the lockdown whiplash, but we can tolerate it. We can’t control it, or change it, but we can accept that it is what it is.

But it takes strength.

Wobbling in our strength is normal. Being scared that we won’t be able to tolerate it is normal. Dipping in and out of overwhelm is normal.
Acceptance includes being gentle on ourselves, acknowledging that we are human. Self-compassion is key.

Acceptance is like a muscle. We need to train it to be strong. Find a calm mental space, and from there identify what you can’t control. Let that stuff go. Then shift your focus onto the things you can control. Put your energy into those things.

To help find that calm mental space try this:

Take a few calming breaths.
Notice if you’re frowning.
Consciously relax your forehead.
Practice a gentle half-smile (like in this image).
Keep those gentle breaths and that half smile going under you feel lighter.
It helps.

We each have our own story about why another lockdown is devastating and intolerable. Focus on what you can control. Get help if you need it.
Be gentle on yourself. Be kind to each other.

Much love,
Tess x

Acceptance Isn't the Same as Giving Up

Acceptance means drawing on our inner strength to be able to tolerate a difficult situation.

We don’t like the lockdown whiplash, but we can tolerate it. We can’t control it, or change it, but we can accept that it is what it is.

But it takes strength.

Wobbling in our strength is normal. Being scared that we won’t be able to tolerate it is normal. Dipping in and out of overwhelm is normal.

Acceptance includes being gentle on ourselves, acknowledging that we are human. Self-compassion is key.

To help find that calm mental space try this:

Take a few calming breaths.
Notice if you’re frowning.
Consciously relax your forehead.
Practice a gentle half-smile (like in this image).

Keep those gentle breaths and that half smile going under you feel lighter.
It helps.

We each have our own story about why another lockdown is devastating and intolerable. Focus on what you can control. Get help if you need it.

Be gentle on yourself. Be kind to each other.

Much love,
Tess x